Category Archives: Videos

A World Full Of Peace – I Feel Crazy


The title is the gist, a world that’s full of peace and I feel crazy. All the many things that make life interesting can be painful at the same time. I wrote this song in the zone. I did not write it with intention or purpose, rather I wrote it as intuitive question. Why do I feel crazy sometimes? Am I crazy?

So often I can feel a world that is desperately trying to be at peace with itself, but there always seems to be a tempest just behind the peace. Perhaps it stands to reason, on a planet where everything living lives by consuming something that has died, there naturally would be a lot of violence. This world is filled with so much destruction and damage that humans have done to one another, the atmosphere, the landscape even deep in the planet, the oceans and all of the life forms here in, everything now seems to be negatively impacted by humans. There have always been people killing one another. One of the first stories in the bible is of Cain killing Abel. Most myths follow form, something is killing something or someone else. Is this why even children stand up in school and shoot their classmates out of nature, rage or insanity?

Why? Where does it all come from? Ask a Jew a Muslim or a Christian and they are likely to tell you it comes from original sin, or they might say it is from the devil. Hindus and Buddhists might say it is the karmic consequence of all of our behavior and choices. It seems to me that karma is closer to the answer, but it could still be deeper. I mean we didn’t intentionally set out to destroy everything, look at the beauty we have created on purpose. Look at our art or inventions and their original intent – most of them anyway. I truly think we mean well overall as a species. But what choices do we really have, we need to kill something in order to survive?

A vegan might say “Ah, but you don’t have to kill something to stay alive.” On the surface that might be true, but I would argue that something had to die in order for whatever it is you are eating to have come into existence. I read about a vegan that started her own farm and was flabbergasted to find that her soil needed some bone meal and some dead organics in order for it to have the nutrients it needed. So maybe I don’t have to kill it, but something has died in order for this planet to have so many diverse lifeforms. The myocilin and bacterium take a dead thing and makes nutrients. Nothing can survive without something else dying. In the big picture maybe it is because of entropy.

Entropy is the heat caused by chaos or friction in an organized system. All of our systems utilize heat and heat destroys. We shed skin cells because they are being destroyed by the environment. Our organs are constantly having to renew themselves because of cells that get worn out from the friction caused by pumping and filtering or heating and cooling. This entropy ultimately leads to death in all organisms – on this planet anyway.

Our problem might be a lack of understanding or acceptance of death. If death is such a crucial part of life and living, why are we so worried about it? How can we sanctify life and still embrace death? Why do we flinch when in its presence? Why do we work so hard to dodge it? Why are there so many studies on how, who, where, when or why someone or something dies. There are so many data that you can find them from apples to zebras all about how and why they died. I know people that live as though this were a game of whomever lives the longest wins. We are obsessed with not dying. And yet if we won this battle against death, in no time at all, there would be nothing but humans on the planet, you wouldn’t even be able to see the surface of the planet it would be covered with people.

Religious philosophers tell me that God has a handle on all this and God will fix it. Without terraforming planets for us, even God couldn’t prevent overpopulation if no one ever dies, including in heaven. All space as we know it, is limited by its size and since two three dimensional objects cannot occupy the same space, eventually there would have to be overpopulation. This means that death and changing forms is an integral and important part of being in any three dimensional space. I mean we can’t just keep filling up space forever – because space by its definition is limited.

Perhaps this is where the song came from? Since all of these objective thoughts leave me feeling a little crazy. Then I see the world we have created for ourselves and I am blown away at how we are able to feed clothe and house so many people here on earth. I’ve been to India and seen hovels so flimsy and crumbly I was amazed they could stand, I have seen neighborhoods where nothing but castles are built. This diverse wonderland of amazement and creation is a playground where we fill our sand boxes with everything we believe in, then if we believe in it enough we make magic happen. It is truly amazing that we can actually morph reality as we know it.

One of the things I find the most remarkable are the souls that become addicted to power and money. They will launch wars and genocide. They will into being myriads of unscrupulous things just to acquire a little more power or money. They will even put another human being on the curb with nowhere to live just because of money. We will do the most ridiculous and perverse things just for power and greed. This avorice is not just human, chimps do it and so do lots of species. They will go to war over territory, food and space – which I suppose would be power in their domains. But I reiterate how else would you expect life to behave when something must die to purport its very existence. It is all so fascinating really.

What if the real problem here is we do not know how to resolve this death paradox? Or perhaps the afterdeath dilemma? Perhaps we should just embrace all of it? So many religions and philosophies paint a target on death as the reason to subscribe to their beliefs. But they are using our fear of death or our desire for an eternal reward as a sales pitch for taking on their beliefs. Then others say all we need to do is be at peace with the transition. The later makes the most sense to me which is why Buddhists and Eastern Zen philosophies resonate with my accepting soul.

As I reach an age where death is more and more likely to come calling, I am finding that being a part of self replicating biological system brings me a lot of peace – I do know that my molecules will just meld back into the ether and become a part of something else. However coming from a Christian background I am consistently drawn back into wanting consciousness beyond death, I long for some knowing, not just that my molecules lasting in a system, but my awareness that they do. Yet there are too many holes in the reincarnation or resurrection or rebirth theories. I will continue to seek peace and live in peace, peace with you and with my death and my insanity. Thank you for reading and listening. I wish I had some answers for all of us.

Peacefully Yours
Rusty

Your Kiss and Your Smile – Kristi Cline’s Song

My sweet cousin Kristi Cline lost her husband, Billy Bunch in May of 2016. She asked me to finish a song Billy was writing when he died. The video below is that song, Billy’s words and Rusty’s voice and melody… though she said it sounds a lot like the melody he had, she only sent me the words, I never got to hear him sing the song.

This is the song I wrote when I first found out that Billy Bunch had died. I knew Kristi would be so devastated.

Listen to the Mockingbird Sing Crow

I wrote this after watching a Netflix special about Glen Campbell and his Alzheimer’s disease, of which he ultimately dies on August 8, 2017). In celebration of still knowing that I remember things I forgot, forget things I want to remember and wonder why and where they go when I forget. This song is dedicated to Glen Campbell and all the remembering and forgetting and never knowing for certain quite why we do either.

I mean seriously, how is it I can remember a cigarette jingle from the 1960’s and forget a grand child’s birth date?

In the writing of this song I remembered a little girl named Tammy Holmes, when we were in 5th grade, we skipped school and made out all day long, nothing but kissing and petting over and over again, two young children exploring one another’s bodies and feelings…. why would I remember that as I am writing this song.

That memory reminded me of a woman named Tamara tha tI met in Salt Lake City, when when I was 30, and she was only 20. She was drop dead gorgeous. I remembered watching her sleep as moonlight through the rain on the window painted beautiful shadows on her naked body, why would I remember those things today after all these years???

I guess I was “Listening to the Mockingbird Sing Crow”