Category Archives: Writing

Rusty’s writings and musings

Creating My Life

My creating caught up with my knowing,
Now I am living in a future I created on purpose.

For years I created my life by accident, stumbling around in dark moments of ignorance. Then I began to create my life on purpose. At first I tried to will everything into being. I read and studied voraciously, starved for knowledge, hungry for answers. I was focused on sales. I was focused on career. I was focused on making something of myself, for myself and by myself.

Then I began to look at my own thoughts and my own processes. In these moments I found that my thoughts and thinking had more power than I had realized. And I realized that my thoughts were governed by patterns of belief. If I believed in original sin, I was a sinner. If I was a sinner then most everything I was doing was condemned by the Almighty. Talk about a cycle of failure.

I soon realized I was actually creating more with what I believed than with what I was physically doing. I was building a future with every thought and emotion I connected to those thoughts. And in this moment of realization, I also saw that I was living in a future that had been created by a belief that said, I wasn’t good enough. Thereby I was living a life that was never good enough and nothing I did or accomplished ever truly gave me a sense of joy or accomplishment.

In looking at my thoughts and in looking at the blessings that came my way I began to notice two basic patterns: 1) There were always blessings, no matter what I believe 2) I didn’t notice the blessings or make myself available to the blessings when I was busy feeling guilty, scared, worried or preoccupied with whether or not I had the attention and approval of my creator.

Now juxtapose 2 on 1 and I saw my flawed thinking. I was always blessed no matter what I did! So why waste time with guilt, fear and worry – especially since those emotions were actually blocking my access to the blessings.

Next, since I was watching my thoughts anyway, I decided it would be a worthy endeavor to see what would happen if I quit attaching those emotions to my actions but rather place my own approval and attention to my actions and thoughts. I began to have more joy almost instantly. Now some years later abundance in a new and fascinating way has manifested itself in my life. I am experiencing an abundance that does not revolve around “sales or selling” – oh some things are bought and sold by me, but I am no longer focused, driven or trying to force the issue on any level. However, every time I am in need something moves someone or something into my path and my needs and desires are met.

This is not connected with how much I give – though I enjoy giving and it brings me great joy – this abundance is not conditioned on how good a person I am – thought I enjoy being nice and loving to those around me – the only requirement for me to experience this abundance is for me to be open to it and not block its presence with self defeating thoughts and emotions like fear, worry, hate, doubt, anger, jealousy or violence. I have come to realize it is a magnetic event. Love joy and peace bring with them more abundance. Maybe it is metaphysical, maybe it is psychological – I will let those with better skills in those fields explain. I am too busy having fun and enjoying my life to take up too much time trying to explain a phenomena that is beyond my reckoning.

Nowadays I create my life by putting energy into positive styles of thinking: love, connection, abundance, generosity, peacefulness, calmness and gratitude. As soon as I feel a negative thought begin to enter my personal space, I decide it doesn’t need my emotional investment, I detach Rusty from those thoughts and they trickle out and back from whence they came.

After some years of doing this I have noticed that I truly am blessed. Even when I screw up. Even when I make mistakes or get momentarily but completely selfish, I am blessed with abundance and love. That is an incredible realization for a man that comes from a fundamentalist religious background.

I am blessed regardless of what I do… however… the consequences of what I do have less negative power when I come back to my honest-self, admit when I make mistakes or get lost in my mind, thinking or musings and go forward again in love, light and abundance. I am now living a life of meaningful existence and it is all because I am more forgiving of myself, more loving to myself – consequently I am more loving and forgiving of those around me. I don’t have to do these things to have abundance, love and light in my life, but by observing my life, thoughts and consequences there of, I am more capable of passing along peace, love, joy and abundance to those that surround me. And that always makes me feel good and helps me remember how blessed I am.

And on the cycle grows.

Loving every minute of it…
Love & Light,

Synaptic Relationships – Thinking by Choice

“My thoughts were stitched into the fabric of my emotions
until the synaptic relationship to my feelings had dyed the tapestry
of my life the bright red color of fear.” ~Rusty Cline~

My thoughts are the threads of the tapestry of my life. I manifest my life with my thoughts. Without my thoughts I am a comatose vegetable with no manifest reality. Every thought to which I attach a personal emotion or desire becomes a stitch in my tapestry. I can think fear without being fear, but the moment I attach my personal emotion of fear to a fearful thought, I have invited fear into my life.

One lonely fearful thread in my tapestry may not do any harm but, if I am not careful, very soon the threads of fear work together to make a pattern in my life. Then a scene begins to emerge in my tapestry – a needle point detail that describes my fear – with some focus that entire section becomes a scene of fear; by fear and for fear. No matter how I spin it, no matter how I try to artistically codify those threads, in the end it is a scene manifested by fear.

Synaptic Hug: “An attachment of a personal emotion to a random thought!”

Most thoughts are random coming hither and tither without being summoned. If I attach an emotion to one of these random thoughts – i.e. joy, fear, hate, love or anger – the thought acquires a synaptic relationship to that emotion (a comfort zone, if you will). This emotional investment manifests a fabric of emotion that drapes over this random thought cloaking it with something that belongs to me (kind of like a uniform). Then my emotion is disguised as a thought, and the heretofore random thought is disguised as my own personal emotion. This personal emotional relationship gives my thoughts shape, texture and form in the three-dimensional world where my body resides – which is supposed to be outside of my thinking. Next a three-dimensional presence is manifested in the reality of my life, appearing in the form of people, places and things.

My tapestry is quite like the plumage of a peacock, attracting other peacocks with a reality similar to my own. The problem is I weave the tapestry not because it suits my purpose or desire, but rather because I give way too much importance to some random thought that skittered onto the scene without my conscious invitation. It serves only the purpose of my ego that wants to be so important that every thought is strong and powerful, no matter how random. Unfortunately the purpose of my ego seems to be to live in fear, to doubt everything, not to trust anything or anyone. Living in fear only manifests more fear.

This is not who I chose to be. And thinking is a choice – albeit a hard choice to correct when it has run amok.

I have been watching my thoughts for over 20 years. It was about 1989 that I found a book called: Creative Visualization by a lady named Shakti Gawain. Shakti was the catalyst that started me on a different path; she gave me some creative visualizations that basically gave me a tool to start me looking at my thoughts. She helped me watch them go by instead of following them as they darted down every rabbit hole they could find.

Synaptic Observation: “By observing my thoughts I changed my physical reality!”

By observing my thoughts I came to realize how much power they have over my physical reality. Experiment after experiment; writing lists, focusing on end results, keeping journals and watching the what unfolds as time goes marching (ever so swiftly) by. I found I am the creator of my physical and personal reality. What I am saying here comes from my empirical evidence not pretentious pondering. My thoughts actually manifest my reality.

So… It would seem you don’t have to tell me twice (but you may have to tell me 4000 times). Once I realized this for real and certain, I made some changes. Since I had acquired this skill of observing my thoughts but not having to act on them, or get lost in them, perhaps I could decide to create thoughts that would create a better physical reality – maybe something to enhance my creature comforts and spiritual experiences.

So I began changing my thoughts and observing what came into existence. That was when I realized: I can either relate to my thoughts by attaching a personal emotion to them or just passively observe them as they go by. Once I realized that the thought itself had no power over me – until I gave it my emotion. I decided I would only align myself emotionally with thoughts are synonymous to what I want in my life: peace, love, abundance, happiness and more love.

Well folks, after years of practice and steady results, I am living it every day. I have a life that is a testament and physical proof: everything I am experiencing in this moment was manifested by a thought I chose to own and take responsibility for. Granted the choosing consisted mostly of not aligning myself with the majority of the thoughts that came skipping into my brain.

I was surprised by how many negative sabotaging thoughts I wanted to claim because I could relate to them emotionally. By choosing to emotionally align myself only to thoughts that are parallel with my ultimate desires for my living, I changed my life and everything in it. It took a lot of observation. But it was worth every minute.

Synaptic Freedom: “I am truly free. Kill me tomorrow or let me live another hundred years – I am a happy soul.”

I am no longer a slave to money, work or the status quo. I no longer subscribe to dominion or the illusions of control that so predominately rule those I see on a daily basis. I am truly free. Kill me tomorrow or let me live another hundred years – I am a happy soul.

I am not happy because of the following statements. I am happy because I am living the life I choose and I choose it one thought at a time. I have always been living a life of my own making, before I was making it sub-consciously. Nowadays I have a motto: “If it’s not fun, don’t do it!!!!” and brother/sister, (besides taxes – and I pay someone else to do that) I do not do it if it isn’t fun! Period. Not guilt no worries…

H-m-m I had better get used to saying that: “No worries Mate!”

My life and dance partner, Joanne and I are off to Australia for three months on June 25th, 2009. The trip was paid for by a manifested thought that said: “You can!” Then another manifested thought said: “Why not teach some tango while you are there?” a few emails later and we have created a way to make enough money while we are there to pay for the trip again, so when we get back we will still have the money we had when we left.

Here is my proof Click here for a video: I am off to Australia to teach a workshop about learning Argentine Tango called: “Tango For Life” basically, I am fifty one year old retired bricklayer that decided he liked to dance tango in his mid-life, I aligned my emotions to thoughts of good dancing and added lots of practice… then by being fearless and refusing to attach any of my personal emotions around failure* to my ideas (and believe me I observed a lot of these sneaky little thoughts vying for my emotions), I have manifested an Australian tour teaching tango that will pay our way down under.

If that isn’t proof that thoughts manifest reality what else do you need? A pile of bricks to fall on you?

Remember, I can work that out, you know, after all I am a retired bricklayer.

Watch your thoughts and see if you can find the “Synaptic Relationship” between your thoughts, your emotions attached to them, and your physical reality – believe it or not it is there… and it is as real as a ton of bricks!

Love & Light,
Just remember, let true Love be your guide.
Love of yourself. Love your fellow man.
In fact Love the whole Universe.
For to Love is God’s pure Light.

Failure is just fear disguised as failure ~Rusty~

There is a Crack

There is a crack in everything that is how the light gets in ~ Leonard Cohen~ Anthem

I went to see Leonard Cohen in concert April 5th, 2009 in Phoenix, AZ.

Wow! What a concert. I aspire to be like that someday. He is 75 years old and as spry as a chick. He was skipping around on stage like he was 20. His humility and giving was surpassed only by the dependability of his lyric, word and wit delivered by his hypnotically rich baritone voice. It was a show of shows, I thank God I canceled other plans and went! I will stop here because this really isn’t a review or critique of his concert (his concert was above such things in my mind) rather this is an opportunity for me to share something he taught me that evening – something I am still learning. I always know when I have been in the presence of someone great when I look up months or years later and even in their absence they are still teaching me.

As I watched Mr. Cohen get down on one knee and deliver Hallelujah, and Anthem I was startled to remember that this gentle man down on one knee is 75 years old – as the kids say: OMG!

There was this giant in the industry of song writers kneeling before us telling us “There’s a ablaze of light in every word, It doesn’t matter which you heard, The broken or the holy hallelujah” and “Ring the bells that still can ring, Forget your perfect offering, There is a crack in everything, That’s how the light gets in.” –

Yes, if you know Leonard Cohen you know these words, but what I saw that night was this aged man so cracked and worn and yet SO FULL OF LIGHT! And his light was now coming OUT of the cracks and filling the auditorium with love, peace and wisdom.

To think: it’s okay that we are flawed. To remind us that we are imperfect and not only is it okay but its a good thing. Our flaws are a good thing and our imperfections themselves bring us closer to the light.

Maybe the light can’t get in without the imperfection because it needs the crack. That even in our euphemisms we are surrendering up our hallelujahs. Forever are my associations with Leonard Cohen’s words are caressed and soothed but the words themselves stay the same, however, my ability to interpret evolves with my personal growth:

I woke up today May 15, 2009 and looked into my face. There I saw – since the last time I really noticed – the lines were a little deeper. The nose and ears were a little bigger. These are startling times I am living in, my body hasn’t changed this fast since I was an adolescent. For a moment I was sad and experienced a brief grief at the loss of my youth – but then…
then I saw a new crack in my face…
and with in mind’s use of the word crack, I heard the Leonard Cohen lyrics:
“Ring the bells that still can ring, Forget your perfect offering, There is a crack in everything, That’s how the light gets in.” I smiled.

As I smiled this new crack in my face began to expand and stretch. As the smile blossomed into its full potential, the crack emerged as the dimple it once was.

Bob Cline – 1935 – 2007

It was in that moment I felt and saw a light slip into me. As it entered my entire body filled with understanding, love, joy and satisfaction – a satisfaction so sweet Mick Jagger would re-write his lyric.

I saw many things in that moment. It was like I saw everything completely. I saw the entire process of living. I saw the sweetness and perfection of my life. My magnificent journey intricately woven into everything complete with its flaws.

I saw the process of being young and supple with its full and buoyant energy.

I saw the process of changing into someone cracked and wrinkled enough to not just let the light in but to be so full of that light that you need to kneel down on one knee and let that light spill out. A light to illuminate all that gather. This is why in olden days they gathered around their aged, to let the light of the wise ones elucidate their lives and heal their young cracks.

Perhaps this is the process and the process is as profound in its breaking as it is in its healing:
We get cracked (broken, hurt, wounded) and…
It lets the light in to heal the crack,
The crack heals trapping a portion of the light inside.
Wounds accumulate as years pass.
Finally when the vessel is filled with light,
It begins to wrinkle then burst and shatter and crack.
As the light grows and expands it can no longer be kept inside so…
Soon the light radiates out, all over everything,
Until the light of that broken vessel is spilling faster than it can fill…
Finally it is empty.
Then dark and empty we go
Back into the void to become the light once again.

Just a thought… I am filled with Love and Light in this moment… a-ho!
I am sending that light to you!

Love & Light,
The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don’t dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.
Ah the wars they will
be fought again
The holy dove
She will be caught again
bought and sold
and bought again
the dove is never free.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
~Leonard Cohen~ “Anthem”

I Deserve You

The morning is dark
          but it is not early the day is winter’s solstice
             The shortest day of the year

I see her sleeping next to me
          and I am yet again amazed
             Amazed that in all my growth
                and all my determination to be
                   more gentle in the world
                       more loving to the world
                           more aware of the world around me

She is here offering me proof
          Proof that I have succeeded
             Proof that I am more gentle

She: lying in my bed
                   Not a harsh word in her mouth
                          Not a malicious bone in her body
                                She, that is gentle and true to her gentle spirit…

And to think: beautiful, gentle creature that she is…
     I deserve her love…….. WOW!