Category Archives: Writing

Rusty’s writings and musings

I Give My Love For You

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Every time history repeats itself… the price goes up…
Things got real expensive for me tonight…. how expensive can this get?

Really? How much does one have to pay? To be a member of a tribe?

In order for man to be greater than god,
There would have to be god in the first place,
if there is a god, I am sure as I am
there is no way we can interfere

The things that we do are things that we are
and all that we are is a progressive
a progressive inclination an entire species-if-ication
That came here to make our own way

Well beyond your means is the way that it seems
and the way that it just might become
So before you strike out and raise up your shout
You might figure out your just cum

Cum from your father an egg from you mother
and now you are so full of you
you think that you know and all that you crow
is much much more than what you call true

So I call you all out, I scream and I shout
I tell you to stop all the hatred
But before you might stop perhaps I must crop
Myself from this hateful equation

So, if I were gone, after all that you’ve done
Would you stop and please look around you?
Would you welcome the fold that stands in the cold
And admit what you’ve done has out grown you?

Please say you will, cause my life has grown still
and this is my only possession
But I’ll give it up if you’ll just grow up
and admit that you’ve wronged what you’ve loved
For I love you all with my back to the wall
now I give my love for you
now I give my love for you!!!!

As My Personae Changes

Lapidary Blue

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I realized some time back that though I am in the tango community, I am no longer part of the Community at large. I am helping to build the local and regional tango communities I am not part of the community as a whole any more. I am a leader. It wasn’t really my plan to take on this role, but I did when I decided to become an instructor and organizer. The title of instructor causes my dancing to intimidate some men and women alike. There are stories that are told about me that people hear long before I enter the room. Some are true. Some are fiction. Some matter. Some do not. Some are flattering. Some are not. I am a very sensitive person and I feel and sense the energy of others in my presence. And in the embrace it is too powerful to ignore.

Where I once experienced welcome and love, frequently feel a wave of disapproval and jealousy or even judgement in a crowded milonga. I never know exactly what I am sensing – I am not clairvoyant – but I do know if it is negative or positive. I am a very good and elegant dancer – I know this because I worked very hard to be so, I am a product of hard work and practice, not talent – and that ruffles some feathers and intimidates others. I suppose I had better get used to it and deal with it too, so it doesn’t make me crazy. And I am dealing with it… a little at a time. Still there is a blunt and painful satisfaction in it.

Blunt: Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. I got it. I always wanted to be an elegant and inspiring dancer… now I am and it has consequences.
Painful: The jealousy and the fear it generates prompts fictions and negativity that I must guard myself from… I don’t want to go cutting off an ear or anything. And I am the type that could.

So… I must be very careful nowadays, where I go and with whom I dance – the embrace is so powerful and revealing. I have learned I do not want to be in everyone’s embrace. I rarely get good dances in my home town any more it feels more like one is dancing with a personae of me, not with the man that is me. I feel like some dance with me not because they like me but because it is a conquest or I feel I have an obligation to them. So many of my students that began tango with me no longer see me and it hurts since they once studied with me: stood in my arms using my body to learn from me, but never truly seeing the man. There are a lot out there that studied with me that have never really seen Rusty… I am for them the product of some stories, some true and some fiction… a personae they no longer care to associate with. Or perhaps they fear social ridicule if they chose the wrong side, I am controversial because I will not fake or play political games.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty that support, see and love me as I am. For all them I am extremely grateful. I love so many and they know who they are, I tell them frequently.

I truly mean none of this as negative. It just is. I am a man frequently in the spotlight, both literally and metaphorically and I did ask for this. I just didn’t know that not all lenses would be willing to focus on the man, most focus on a semi-fictional personae instead. I am learning to adjust to this. I think some absence and mystery around me might be a good thing for my career in the end ๐Ÿ™‚ perhaps I will learn to foster and nurture it in a positive way.

In the mean time I am grateful for my body’s ability to continue to dance and to take me into the world championships in Buenos Aires… and I am pained and hurt by the rejection of those that are too afraid to actually see me… but… I will get over it. I have many that see me and love me. I just have to remember where to look ๐Ÿ™‚

Love and Light
Rusty

PS In Buenos Aires now as I re-read and edit this note a little… I am so happy to be here feeling like a beginner again. The beginner’s mind is something that tango brings me over and over again. I can not learn what I already know, so I am happy to be here emptying my cup so that I may begin to fill it with yet another, deeper level of tango. What a journey…. what a ride!

Your Tone of Voice…

โ€œItโ€™s not so much what you say
As the manner in which you say it;
Itโ€™s not so much the language you use
As the tone in which you convey it;

“Come here!” I sharply said,
And the child cowered and wept.
โ€œCome hereโ€, I said โ€“ He looked and smiled
And straight to my lap he crept.

Words may be mild and fair
And the tone may pierce like a dart;
Words may be soft as the summer air
But the tone may break my heart;

For words come from the mind
Grow by study and art โ€“
But tone leaps from the inner self
Revealing the state of the heart.

Whether you know it or not,
Whether you mean or care,
Gentleness, kindness, love and hate,
Envy, anger, are there.

Then, would you quarrels avoid
And peace and love rejoice?
Keep anger not only out of your words โ€“
Keep it out of your voice.โ€ – ~Author Unknown

About “Signed with Love”

I sign most of my correspondences with some derivation of “Love and Light”. Recently someone said she thought it diminished the effect since it doesn’t seem so special after a while.

My reply was this: I agree and disagree. Yes perhaps it does take some of the special off of the word love. But in my mind the presence of love isn’t special, it is a prerequisite, it should always be there, my salutation is just a reminder that in my world, it is ALWAYS there.

I may forget and I may revert to my old thinking that love is for the special people in my life, but when I see my own salutation, I am reminded, love should be the norm for everyone, not just for special people!

With Love,

Rusty

What do you mean? We can teach ourselves?

This is so remarkable I am up 3 hours later still pondering the ramifications of what this video says – it says what I have always known to be true – We are our own teachers. We teach ourselves.

What we learn for ourselves is our much longer than that which is given to us by others. And still everyone learns (as Newton said) “By standing on the shoulders of giants.” We learn from those around us. Not because they are teaching but rather because we are learning.

There is something that every community needs to know in this video…

We have this capacity to teach ourselves in ways we do not use or exploit for ourselves. Instead, this power has been exploited by others – though this is my opinion not what the video says at all.

I am taken aback in that I see how information has always been lorded over us and we have been usurped by those with the secrets.